Joe Biden Vows to Defeat Other World Line Self

Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden expressed in an interview earlier today that he was prepared to defeat his other self in the upcoming election. “I’m prepared to say that I…

Legendary Hero Transported to Horrible Reality Full of Police Brutality and Incurable Disease

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Legendary hero Edward Higurashi has found himself transported to another world, according to local media reports. This hellish new reality reportedly has high income inequality, police that…

You Haven’t Made a Dent in Your Backlog, Latest Report Indicates

You have yet to make any significant progress on your anime backlog, according to a report released this week. Various independent sources have confirmed that despite having overall less obligations…

Student Struggling on AP World History Exam Consults ‘Fate/Grand Order’

UTICA, NY — Thoroughly out of any other ideas, local high school student David Campbell, 17, has discreetly booted up the mobile game Fate/Grand Order while taking the AP World…

Otaku Shocked to Find Student Council Boring

LARAMIE, WY — Local high school student and otaku Harper Brown has reportedly found membership on the high school student council to be boring, according to a recent TikTok video….

United Nations Security Council Condemns Kyon for Not Getting Haruhi to Stop COVID-19

NEW YORK, NY — The Security Council of the United Nations held a press conference for the global media today condemning the lack of action by Kyon in getting Haruhi…

Hatsune Miku Contracts Deadly Computer Virus

Staff within Crypton Future Media have confirmed that virtual pop star Hatsune Miku has gone into quarantine after contracting a computer virus earlier this week. The infection was first noticed…

99% of Eligible Bachelors in Small Town Members of Sohma Family

OKUTAMA, Japan — A recent study conducted by phone, email, and Tinder has found that 99% of eligible bachelors in the local dating scene are members of the Sohma family….

Maid Cosplayer’s Room a Fucking Disaster

A series of photos uploaded to Facebook last Saturday revealed that cosplayer Jaime “Kyo-chan” Smith’s room can only be described as a fucking disaster.

The apparent filthiness and general disarray of their surroundings stood in sharp contrast to their maid cosplay, attire that generally implies the wearer is capable of performing basic domestic tasks.

Otaku Achieves Honor of Facebook Friend List of Exclusively Those with Anime Profile Pics

HURON, SD — Local otaku John Steiner has attained the rare accomplishment of a Facebook friend list of exclusively those with anime profile pics, according to his disappointed family members….