ROME, Italy — The Dan Brown Institute of Conspiracy Research recently concluded a five-year investigation revealing that the foremost artists on the Japanese online artist community Pixiv are a hidden oligarchy that tightly controls the production of anime.
“For so long, we were baffled by all the attention the most generic and pointless shows of every season were getting,” explained researcher assistant Jeremy Collins, “One day I was on Pixiv and stumbled across a picture of Tokisaki Kurumi dressed as a flight attendant. All it took was this one picture and I suddenly found myself watching the first few episodes. Then I found one of her in a police uniform and I couldn’t help watching a few more. Before I knew it, I had watched the whole thing.”
Collins presented his observations to lead researcher Bobby Lambdon, who had been researching the unique circumstances surrounding the Black Rock Shooter. “I had a eureka moment when Jeremy was telling me about how worried he was that the art he was looking at made him powerless to resist the clearly mediocre show and ‘Kurumi’s delicious low pigtails,’” said Lambdon.
“If a simple drawing can spawn a music video, an OVA, and an anime series, in that order, maybe we’ve had this fan art thing backwards this whole time,” explained Lambdon. “It all started making sense. Siscon shows, eroge adaptations, Kantai Collection, Love Live, and everything else that has achieved obscene popularity purely thanks to cute characters. It was like we were seeing the code of the matrix and at the very center of it all sat Kantoku, Yamashita Shunya, and the rest of the Pixiv elite.”
“Fucking Huke,” exclaimed artist h2so4, “That motherfucker HAD to ruin it for us. And for what? A mediocre OVA and a boring anime series about his Miku clone? All we wanted was to continue drawing cute girls for a living. Is that so much to ask for?”
At press time, Ryouka and company had checked into rehab to help overcome the nigh unbearable urge to draw everyone in frilly skirts and thigh highs.