Radioactive Water From Fukushima Plant to be Rebranded as Gaming Energy Drink

The Japanese government has announced that it is reversing its decision to dump over a million tons of radioactive water from the damaged Fukushima nuclear plant into the Pacific Ocean. Instead the water will be bottled and sold as a gaming energy drink under a new partnership with G Fuel.

Water used to cool the reactors along with contaminated groundwater has been stored in massive tanks since a tsunami and earthquake damaged the Fukushima Daiichi plant in 2011. But as capacity to store the water on land began to run out, officials proposed potentially dumping the water into the ocean.

Environmental groups opposed the initial idea expressing concerns over the unknown long term side effects of dumping contaminated water on ocean wildlife. The local fishing community also argued that dumping the water would only add to doubts about the safety of local seafood and severely harm the industry.

Opposition disappeared, however, after learning that the new proposition to package the water as an energy drink would only contaminate gamers rather than underwater ecosystems.

Gamers, unlike most citizens, have little concern for their overall health, according to industry trends. Many already engage in self-harming activities such as preordering, using voice chat in public lobbies, or playing League of Legends.

“By distributing water from the plant in energy drink products, we can both avoid another potential environmental disaster and help to economically support cleanup efforts,” the Japanese government said in a statement after the decision was finalized by Cabinet members.

G Fuel says it plans to incorporate the water into their new “Nuclear Splash” flavor. The extra radioactive hydrogen isotopes will be marketed as giving it a “performance enhancement” over other soft drinks.

Additionally, G Fuel hopes to partner with YouTubers and other online influencers in order to further promote the drink to other deserving audiences.

About the author

Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.