LOS ANGELES, CA — Anime Expo began today, and AX officials have already determined their attendance numbers: Everyone but you, the reader of this article.
“Anime Expo has been growing exponentially every year, and this year we’ve finally met our goal: Every single anime fan on the planet is here, enjoying themselves and socializing, except for you. It may sound unbelievable, but look at these photos of how crowded it is.
“It’s honestly a marvel of organization that we’ve managed to cram all 25,386,219 anime fans in the world into 72,000 square feet without excessive crowding or lines,” convention staff member Judy Williams told Anime Maru.
“But if there were just one more person here, it would cause total chaos.”
Anime Expo has encouraged you to look through your Twitter feed and see how everyone remotely anime-related whom you follow is at Anime Expo attending panels, buying exclusive merch and generally enjoying themselves.
“The weather is great, the prices in the dealers hall are low, and all the events are starting on time. We’re just having so much fun without you,” your supposed best friend tweeted 30 minutes ago.
However, seismologists have expressed fears that this year’s AX might be too much fun centralized in one area. Instruments at the nearby University of Southern California recorded a small earthquake this morning reportedly caused by people rushing to the “Audio Engineering with Bang Zoom!” panel.