Scientists Warn All Anime Fan Art Will Feature Hestia By 2024


ATLANTA, GA – The CDC’s Task Force on Online Virology (TFOV) has issued an emergency warning in the wake of an unprecedented outbreak of fan art featuring Hestia from the new show Dungeon something-or-other (I’m sure you don’t remember the full title either. That Danmachi one).

According to model projections of exponential growth and propagation in certain circles, the TFOV has predicted that by 2024, every single piece of anime fan art will contain at least one Hestia, with a large percent including more than one. Pixiv is expected to fall first to the viral spread, becoming an all-Hestia site by August 2019. DeviantArt is projected to be the most resilient, finally eliminating its last batch of bad poems and 3D models of obscure shit no one cares about in the first quarter of 2024.

“Hestia’s viral character attributes are a sophisticated mutation containing several elements that have been linked to increased potency such as the Genki Factor, twintails, and magic, along with strong self-insert potential. Oh, and obviously the oppai,” stated the analysis that accompanied the warning.

Another cited factor for the Hestia outbreak was fan disappointment with the Kancolle anime finale and season 2 announcement. This so-called “ship fatigue” has led many artists to seek new avenues for expression, leaving them especially susceptible to Hestia.

The TFOV concluded by expressing sincere hope that the upcoming Love Live: Sunshine anime could produce a firebreak against the rising Hestia tide: “Let’s hope to god there are at least two or three waifu-worthy girls in that lot,” they said. “Or at least some tension that can parlayed into Yuri art.”

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Based in a one man space station in geosynchronous orbit over Japan, Neontaster is a graduate of Hard Knocks Gakuen with a masters degree in Moeology. He usually has no idea what the hell he is talking about, but is marginally competent at faking it. You can pelt him with rotten digital vegetables on twitter @neontaster