Scientists Warn ‘Re:Creators’ is Dire Warning of What is to Come if Anime is Not Stopped



HENRIETTA, NY — A team of researchers at Rochester Institute of Technology have published a new study which suggests that, should anime continue to grow in popularity at its current rate, reality will become dictated by anime within the next ten years. This would result in a collapse of reality similar to that depicted in Re:Creators wherein anime characters would be drawn into existence and wreak havoc upon reality. According to the study, increases in the international tsundere index and annual accidental boob grab rate over the past 60 years show clear signs of a breakdown in the barrier separating anime from reality. The study also points to scientifically unexplainable phenomena such as cosplay and the existence of the creature know as Kizuna AI as early signs of reality’s slippage.

The study was led by RIT’s Dr. Philip Yaacob who holds doctoral degrees in theoretical particle physics, quantum physics, and anime breast kinesiology.  Dr. Yaacob said he hoped this new study would convince global leaders that the window for effective action is rapidly closing.

“The warning signs are all there,” Dr. Yaacob stated at a press conference to discuss the study’s findings, “Once anime characters enter the real world we will be long past the point of no return. The effect of anime on birth rates and the global economy alone will be devastating.”

“However, the worst consequence of all will be the global conflicts created by intense wars between followers of waifus such as Madoka and Haruhi. Zealots driven by the emergence of their waifu in the real world will cease their conflict only when all supporters of other waifus have been annihilated.”

Despite these dire warnings, reaction to the news has been largely apathetic. Some scientists, such as Dr. Connor Breen of Concordia University, have even gone so far as to say the emergence of anime into the real world is not something to be feared, but to be embraced.

“Imagine, all energy needs satisfied by spiral power, technology advanced by hundreds of years, a catgirl in every home!” Dr. Breen tells Anime Maru. “We won’t save anime, anime will save us!”

When asked whether he believed there was any merit to Dr. Yaacob’s concerns over a global waifu war Dr. Breen simply laughed and said, “any true Haruhiist has nothing to fear in war or death; it is only Madokaist scum who need worry when their false idol does not hear their pleas on the battlefield.”

About the author

Sages speak of a man who will rise when the nation needs him most. Destined for greatness that man will herald a new age of enlightenment and reasoning for humanity. The tales told of this savior say he is already among us. They also say he has three fingers on one hand. Slapdash Scott is not this man, at least not yet. For now Slapdash Scott fills the empty hours of his life dreaming of the 72 waifus awaiting him in Valhalla.