Shinkai’s ‘Your Name’ Becomes the Greatest Thing to Ever Exist


Earlier this week, Toho announced that Makoto Shinkai’s Your Name (Kimi no Na Wa) has surpassed all measures of cinematic success and become the de facto greatest film ever made. Since its release in August of last year, the CoMix Wave-produced film has broken record after record at the box office, earning $200 million within months of its release. Since then, the film has become the top animated film of all time, climbed to the top of Japan’s all time box office, won the Los Angeles Film Critics Best Animated Film award, became the highest rated film on Rotten Tomatoes, definitively proven that Shinkai is more talented than Miyazaki, and has basically become the greatest fucking shit the world has ever laid eyes on.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced earlier today that Shinkai will have his Oscars for Best Director, Best Picture, Best Animated Feature, Best Foreign Language Film, and Best Anime Involving Body Swapping Since Kokoro Connect mailed to him in advance of the ceremony on February 26, as the award decisions have become a forgone conclusion.


At the United Nations headquarters in New York, world leaders were reduced to tears after a screening of the film, each claiming that the anime moved them at the most fundamental human level, and that they have been inspired to set aside their differences and work solely towards peace and harmony for all mankind. Your Name has broken through the shackles that define animation and even cinema as an artistic medium, transcending time and space to truly and finally evoke the essence of humanity and existence itself in a such a captivating, concise, and incredible way that the human race is unimaginably fortunate to have the chance to experience it. God does exist, and his name is Shinkai.

As of press time, the film is still not available wherever you live.

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Editor-in-Chief, CEO, and Fearless Leader of Anime Maru. Expert in Japanese media and pop culture because I run Japanese tabloids blogs through Google Translate. Twitter: @kevo31415