Sony Announces Every Game People Want Except iDOLM@STER


LOS ANGELES, CA — Sony’s press conference at the Electronic Entertainment Expo yesterday included announcements for so many highly anticipated games that fans almost didn’t notice the lack of news about THE iDOLM@STER series.

Early in the conference, a trailer for From Software’s Bloodborne sent the audience into an excited flurry in anticipation for more goodness from the people behind Dark Souls and Demon’s Souls.

“Now they’ll definitely have something about iDOLM@STER on the PS4!” various fans screamed. Sony then continued with an unrelenting barrage of exciting reveals including support for a plethora of indie games, the glorious return of Grim Fandango, and thatgamecompany’s new game, Abzu. By this point, the audience was a frothing mess of anticipation hoping for at least some iDOLM@STER DLC trailers, but the announcement of No Man’s Sky annihilated any semblance of rational thought.

“Yeah, it would have been nice to see some iM@S love, but I don’t even care anymore,” confessed Matthew Reynolds when Anime Maru interviewed him after the press conference, “I’m going to quit my job to play No Man’s Sky. I would get fired anyway for not coming in for months. This is bigger than money or family or the human race. I have a universe to explore and nothing, not even cute girls, can take the sky from me.”

When asked it he was disappointed that there was no news about The Last Guardian, Reynolds laughed for several minutes before replying, “Oh god, you’re serious? Next you’ll ask me about Half-Life 3 or Kizumonogatari.”

About the author

Forged in the fires of computer science and nerdom, Usny is forever at work on an engine that gathers pictures of cute anime girls from all corners of the internet. If his collection is ever finished, he will somehow be buried with it beneath a tombstone proclaiming that "Hitagi will always be best girl."