LOS ANGELES, CA — Fans and media crowded a conference hall at Anime Expo today to attend a panel by Trigger. Anticipation is high for the studio’s official announcements — patrons began lining up early in the afternoon and some have waited hours to get a good seat. Though nothing is currently known about Trigger’s short term plans, many expect a new anime project to be announced this afternoon.
We here at Anime Maru are excited to bring you exclusive live coverage into this monumental event.
4:32 p.m.: As Yoh Yoshinari, Hiromi Wakabayashi, Shigeto Koyama, and Takafumi Hori enter the room, the crowd breaks into a standing ovation. The entire audience is on the edge of their seats, barely able to contain their excitement.
4:33 p.m.: Yoshinari taps the mic twice, the crowd bursts in to cheers and thunderous applause, many faint.
4:34 p.m.: As Yoshinari greets the crowd and introduces himself, many in the crowd are no longer able to contain themselves and ejaculate into their pants. He explains to the crowd that director Hiroyuki Imashi was unable to attend, claiming, “he didn’t give two shits about American weebs.” Those still alive and conscious are now sobbing and bowing down to the panel.
4:41 p.m.: The panelists proceed to show a video highlighting their past works. As the trailer of various clips from Kill la Kill, Inou-Battle wa Nichijou-kei no Naka de, Little Witch Academia, and Inferno Cop plays, attendees scream and erupt into hysteria. One individual in a Little Witch Academia shirt begins to self-flagellate. Another falls over, foaming at the mouth and eyes rolled back into its sockets, in complete hysteria at the sheer levels of hype and anticipation.
4:43 p.m.: As the trailer continues to play, audience members standing close to us begin visibly shaking, a result of hyper-ventilation and the stimulation of their most carnal senses. A man wipes his sweat-drenched face with a body pillow featuring Ryuuko Matoi. As EMT’s enter the room, they too fall victim to the sirens’ call of Trigger hype.
4:49 p.m.: Sensing the excitement in the crowd, Yoshinari states that they have a special announcement. The bacchanal mob, no longer in control their bodies, indiscriminately attack anything that moves. People throw chairs, light sticks, and figures.
4:51 p.m.: The room grows dark as ceiling lights are torn from their mountings. The chorus of screams shatter the windows and glass rains from above. The hysteria turns deadly. Blood, glass, and wall scrolls fly through the air. The few event staff still conscious attempt to calm the crowd and are quickly overwhelmed.
4:54 p.m.: The J.W. Marriott Hotel which hosts the event is no longer standing. Thousands flee the carnage and fires break out engulfing the sounding LA Live area. We are all trapped here behind a karaoke machine. If you are out there, please send help.