RAQQA – A double suicide bombing claimed the lives of 15 militant members of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) as part of the ongoing Jihadist feud that has been raging for months in Syria over the question of whether anime subs are better than dubs.
ISIL, which broke off from Al-Qaeda central after declaring its undying support for dubs, has been locked in a bloody battle with other organizations such as Jabhat Al-Nusra, an Al-Qaeda affiliate, and Ahrar Al-Sham, who are longtime dub proponents, as well as with secular elements of the Free Syrian Army, who argue that either are fine as long as it’s not some idol crap or something similar.
The war against the Assad regime, which claims that all anime “is just a bunch of dumb Asian cartoons for weeaboo losers”, suffered a blow when infighting broke out among the various opposition factions over the question of subs vs. dubs last year. ISIL leader Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi appeared in a new recorded message urging the other organizations to come together with ISIL to defeat Assad. “Once you morons understand that localization is the way to go, we can finally rid Syria of its oppressive anti-Anime regime,” said Al-Baghdadi. “But first you must realize how much animation you idiots are missing by reading the damn subtitles. Either learn Japanese or cut the shit.”
Meanwhile, international disposal of the Assad regime’s arsenal of poisoned Pocky continues.