GRAPEVINE, TX — A mysterious talking giraffe has selected Alabama, Clemson, Notre Dame, and Oklahoma to participate in the College Football Playoff as it revealed the finalized rankings of the top 25 teams this weekend. The sentient ungulate’s decision to include Oklahoma in the playoffs over Georgia was a source of heated debate, considering Oklahoma’s loss to 15th ranked Texas earlier this season.
“I understand,” the giraffe told reporters when pressed for comments. “Two traditional football powerhouses, sharing one fate. Yet only those with the essence of Starlight can hope to stand on the brightest stage.”
Since the unexpected decision to replace the College Football Playoff selection committee with a giraffe several months ago, analysts have been confused by the animal’s often enigmatic statements. ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit speculated that the giraffe valued Oklahoma winning the Big 12 conference over Georgia’s slightly tougher schedule.
It was a tough weekend for fans of the Georgia Bulldogs. Despite a late collapse against Alabama, Georgia head coach Kirby Smart was confident of his team’s chances to be ranked in the top 4 and in the playoffs. He cited the anime Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight, where Aijo Karen was selected for the Revue of Destiny despite an early-season loss to Tendou Maya.
But on Sunday afternoon, Smart’s hopes were dashed.
“Though Karen’s loss to Maya in Revue Starlight was treated by the committee as a quality loss, Georgia’s loss to May- I mean Alabama occurred in the last audition of the season,” ESPN’s Paul Finebaum explained. “Georgia also have a second loss to LSU; Georgia is not Karen, they are more like Daiba Nana.”
Alabama is the clear favorite as Nick Saban looks to be Top Star for the second year in a row. He has stood in position zero in every audition this year, his second perfect season in three years.
When pressed about the possibility of having the University of Central Florida in the playoffs, the giraffe responded, “Who? I don’t understand.”
Despite the baffling decision to have college football rankings handled by a mysterious creature using a nebulous selection process, critics have agreed that this is a vast improvement over the previous system, which was totally different in every way.