Terrible WatchMojo Anime Lists Results in Suicide


NAPA VALLEY, CA– Tragedy struck this morning when young Keith Kalbin was found in his apartment room by authorities in an apparent suicide. Kalbin, a long time fan of anime and manga, attributes his death directly to the terrible choices YouTube channel WatchMojo makes with their anime lists.

In his long, rambling suicide note Kalbin explains; “I was hurting on the inside. I mean my life was pretty good, I had a loving family and friends. But every time I’d see WatchMojo make another god damn anime list I’d die a little on the inside. I can say with confidence that WatchMojo is solely to blame for my death. How could they pick FMA Brotherhood over the original Fullmetal Alchemist as the number one anime of all time? Who in their right mind would do that? They called Yu Yu Hakusho an underrated anime. Everyone and their mother has heard of Yu Yu Hakusho! They have a separate list for Top Ten Anime Deaths and Top Ten Saddest Anime Deaths. What’s even the difference?”

After complaining about anime for another page and a half, Kalbin attacked the channel directly. “These people don’t even bother to watch the shit that makes their lists. Every video they put out is a soulless attempt to pull in page views. There’s no art, and no effort. I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Like normies invading forms fresh off of Gaia; I watched Tsukihime all the way through. But yet somehow worst of all, are the WatchMojo anime lists. All those episodes, those doujins, will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Sayonara bye bye.”

Keith Kalbin was found suffocated by his own pair of novelty striped pantsu. Friends say that it was the death he would have wanted. It’s his friends and family that have started the twitter movement #NotSugoiMojo.

Local internet physicians project that this was the first in many WatchMojo related deaths to occur. Some going as far to say that it was inevitable these lists would cause suicides because of the shitty top choices.

WatchMojo has responded to this sudden surge in criticism with an apology list: The Top Ten Deaths WatchMojo is Responsible For. Keith Kalbin takes the number one spot, with names such as Jesus Christ, Spike Spiegel, and Hayao Miyazaki listed among the dead.

About the author

Talking about himself in the third person has never be Morlock's strengths, however it would seem that duty calls for a change in POV. Hobbies include: self loathing, mindlessly consuming japanese media like the weeaboo that he is, and complaining. Mad Bull 34 is still the greatest anime Morlock has seen. For some reason he has a Twitter: @TheMorlock