The Anime Maru Official Year End Status Report


As 2016 comes to close, we at Anime Maru like to reflect on the the accomplishments and events of the past year. Like many in the otaku community, we like to make a set of resolutions for the start of the new year in order to make ourselves out to be more well rounded and responsible human beings. And like most of the otaku community we promptly forget most of them after about a week in. Nonetheless, to all our avid readers we would like to present a status summary of our many goals and accomplishments which were the focus of our attention throughout 2016.

Become the most trusted source in anime related news — Achieved

Anime Maru beat out the Anime News Network, Crunchyroll News, and CNN this year to become the most trusted and reliable source of news in the anime industry, at least as far as quality is concerned. Our next ambitious target for 2017 is to match the popularity and journalistic quality of NarutoKin420’s Anime Blog.

Write an Anime Maru light novel — Cancelled

Like anyone who a fan of Japanese animation, the ultimate dream is to have an anime series of your very own. As experts of the medium, we know that the quickest way to a greenlit anime is to make a self-insert light novel. Unfortunately the feedback on our initial submission was less than stellar so we have been forced to scrap this idea.

Fix the ending of Oreimo — Pending

Anime Maru has written Fushimi multiple times about correcting the conclusion portion of Oreimo but we have yet to receive a response. We hope he accepts our new script of proposed changes sometime in 2017.

Shamelessly attack a popular seasonal show — Achieved

With Phantom World and Occultic;Nine both airing in 2016, it’s like we hardly had to even try this year.

Test the limits of what people will believe — Achieved

Will you people really believe anything? I mean come on, you really think doing the Naruto run will make you faster? I know you really want to believe your unhealthy obsession is some sort of positive attribute but at some point the line has to be drawn.

Move out of our parents’ basements — Don’t tell me how to live my life

Look, I’ll move out when I’m ready okay. I really don’t see what my recently ordered Saber figure has to do with this. Never mind how much it cost you have to order it right away or else it gets sold out. This is a high quality limited edition! Yes, I know I already have multiples of her that’s the whole point. You just don’t get it do you?

Watch as Kantai Collection fades in obscurity — Cancelled

Wait, this is still a thing? Didn’t it just come from some lazy grind fest game built in Flash? I know standards are pretty low, but I really didn’t think this would pass. Wait they made a whole movie of it too? Was 2016 really that bad?

Fully automate the operations of Anime Maru — In-Progress

With the amount of recycled jokes and stolen material, you would be surprised that we haven’t done this already. We are happy to report that our Anime Maru bot is already in its beta testing stages. In fact, half of this very article was written using it. We hope that by the end of 2017 Anime Maru will be nothing but arbitrary lists and clickbait headlines. Then maybe we can finally have the time to get back to finishing our backlogs.

About the author

Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.