Thousands of ‘SSSS.Gridman’ Fans Hospitalized After No Nut November

ROCHESTER, MN — Hospitals across the country have been reporting an outbreak of unknown origin suddenly appearing in the last week, with hundreds hospitalized with similar symptoms. Oddly, the only common factor is that every patient is watching the currently airing anime SSSS.Gridman this season.

The phenomenon, currently known as “Gridman’s disease”, presents with excessive perspiration, knee weakness, fatigue of the arms, and extended periods of nausea and vomiting. As the disease progresses, patients appear to be in some kind of delusional state, repeating phrases such as “When’s the milk truck going to arrive?” and “thick” over and over again. 

Patients have no similarities in terms of age, social conditions or even medical history other than watching SSSS.Gridman, but have all presented with near identical prodromes. Dr. Vivik Chandakar has described the outbreak as “utterly baffling.”

According to Dr. James O’ Nanney of the Centers for Disease Control, this is the largest anime-related health crisis since the Pokemon incident in 1997. SSSS.Gridman character designer Akira Amemiya, the reply was was curt.

“I am unable to confirm or deny any aspects of current, or future, Gridman production, but please remember to purchase an officially licensed Rikka dakimakura for the holiday season, I’ve heard they’re to die for”.

About the author

Due to anime currently being classed as a schedule 8 narcotic, Heatfist currently writes for Anime Maru through a series hastily cobbled together VB tins and harmless upper middle class racism, broadcasting from a hidden bunker, located deep in the Australian outback. Communicates solely through sardonicism and second hand banter stolen from early 2000’s AMV’s.