Tokyo Olympics Moves to Have All Events Performed by Anime Characters

TOKYO, Japan — In response to international pressure to cancel the 2020 Tokyo Olympics over concerns related to the Coronavirus Pandemic, the Japanese government has announced by press release, and Crunchyroll ads, that the 2020 Olympics events will be performed entirely by anime characters. This alternative was seen as a way to reduce the spread of coronavirus overall, or at least to only spread it among fictional characters.

“The Olympics are a great way to bring together people from across the world to compete, but with the ongoing global pandemic we need to be concerned about the safety of all,” said Supreme Advisor of the Japan Sports Association, Mori Yoshiro. “And with only anime characters, Japan is sure to clean up on medals!”

“We’ve put together a great team to make this the best anime-based Olympics ever,” said Toei animation president, Kozo Morishita . “We’ve even watched both Battle Athletes series to make sure we don’t make the same mistakes they did!”

The decision has been met with some controversy across the globe as an anime character only roster will put nations other than Japan at a significant disadvantage.

“Don’t we all want to see Wreck it Ralph ‘wreck it’ at the Olympics? This self-serving decision by Japan unfairly keeps Ralph and all other Pixar characters out,” said Pixar President Jim Morris. “We’ve tried to argue that Pixar is the Studio Ghibli of America, and thus counts as anime, but so far we have been continuously denied.”

“Our whole Olympic roster is currently just characters from The Mystery Cities of Gold,” said head of the French National Olympic Committee, Denis Masseglia. “We’ve got an intern now trying to track down a stream, or taped off of TV, VHS of Ulysses 31 to scout for other potential team members.”

Recent reports suggest that a number of countries are appealing to the International Olympic Committee to use Netflix’s official definition of anime so that all countries will have ample “anime” characters to choose from.

About the author

G. Smith has seen the opening to the Toei Kanon series more recently and more often than you. His retirement savings is entirely invested in anime dvds, anime cels, and anime statues he stores in the basement. His Uno game could be better. He is on Twitter @gricomet