Trump Administration Contracts Umbrella Corporation to Develop COVID-19 Vaccine

President Trump revealed via a Twitter post earlier today that the Umbrella Corporation would be working to develop a vaccine for the coronavirus. The conglomerate has been a major player in the industry with several of its subsidiaries expanding heavily into the pharmaceutical space in recent years.

The announcement follows the latest Presidential Debate during which the president stated that a vaccine was a mere “weeks away” from becoming available. Health experts criticized the claim, pointing out that it was likely still months away before a vaccine could realistically be approved by the FDA and distributed among millions of people. The timing has led some to believe the agreement to be a desperate attempt to hasten development as the pandemic continues to spread throughout the United States.

“There are many great people, fine people, over at Umbrella,” the president told reporters at a recent press event. “You are going to see the greatest, most quickly developed vaccine you’ve ever seen. Believe me. They tell me that they are already testing the vaccine and the results are incredible. People are saying, many people, that they have never seen a vaccine with progress this fast. They say it’s never been done before.”

Umbrella has confirmed that it has selected a city located within the Midwest to begin selective trials, but could not confirm the progress of any development. The company has stated, however, that it expects to have initial samples available within a relatively short time frame.

At press time, one of Umbrella’s research facilities was suddenly put under emergency lockdown after an unknown incident. Umbrellas has since stated that it is resolving the situation and that the lockdown was simply put in place to enforce safe social distancing measures.

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Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.