Trump Cancels U.S.-North Korea Summit, Demands No Items Final Destination

President Trump called off the U.S.-North Korea summit scheduled for this Tuesday in Singapore over a disagreement on the meeting conditions. The President declared the summit to be unfair to American interests and demanded that the location of the debate instead be settled at Final Destination.

Trump also accused North Korea of deploying “item spamming” tactics, receiving an array of cheap goods from China, in order to give them an advantage. Trump stated that the summit would not continue unless a ‘no items’ policy was employed.

The North Korean administration responded, stating that the demands were a clear indication of America forcing its policies on other nations and that it would not accept Final Destination as the U.S. would just pick Fox again and laser spam across the map like a scrub. It defended its use of items claiming that they still took skill to use items properly and it at least made things more interesting.

Several advisers have encouraged Trump to consider a compromise in order to proceed with the important delegations. According to sources close to the White House, National Security Advisor John Bolton advocated for letting Kim Jong-Un at least pick Battlefield with hopes that it would be enough to get North Korea to meet halfway. Some have even suggested leaving some items on in order to gain political leverage, but no Bomb-ombs because nobody wants to deal with that bullshit.

The disagreements over arbitrary rulesets continues to remain a stumbling block to finding resolution between the two nations and working towards ending the political instability of the region. As of press time, no one had yet taken up on Shinzou Abe’s suggestion of a Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball tournament.

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Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.