United States Congress Announces Recap Session


WASHINGTON, D.C. — Days after scores of newly-elected Congressmen were sworn in, lawmakers on Capitol Hill have announced that the 114th United States Congress will have a recap session. According to an official statement from Congress, the bipartisan decision to forgo lawmaking responsibilities this session will give Congress time to address some production issues.

“Having a recap session will allow Congress extra time to resolve various problems we have run into and better serve Americans down the road,” said House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH). “If Shirobako has taught me anything, it’s that messed-up timelines and poor planning can lead to disaster; look at the last two years of legislation.”

Observers have noticed Congress’s subtle trend of declining quality over the past several seasons. It didn’t take long for rumors of budget issues and internal strife to surface.

“The last couple sessions of Congress have really been going downhill,” noted Brian Dirkson, a writer for the political blog NegiMajority. “The gridlock led to some of the worst pacing since Attack on Titan. It’s like the people behind Congress aren’t working together at all.”

The idea for a recap session has been popular on both sides of the aisle.

“I’m not going to lie, we were running way behind schedule for the Affordable Care Act,” said Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA). “It was not a good time to find out that [Representative Nancy] Pelosi sucks at drawing key frames.”

During the recap session, Congress will highlight the last 100 years of legislative achievement, including Social Security, the Civil Rights Act, and Labor Reform. “Hopefully, this will also be a chance for people unfamiliar with Congress to catch up,” Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) told Anime Maru. Though Whitehouse expressed concern that Congress may not have enough material to fill an entire recap session.

“Last year was the Gundoh Musashi of legislative sessions. I hope that after Congress has a chance to catch up on its timelines, we can return to the Ore, Twintails ni Narimaru-esque lawmaking quality that we are normally accustomed to,” writes Dirkson.

Congressional officials have hinted that if the recap session is effective at reducing costs, the legislative body might also experiment with hot springs sessions and beach sessions in the future.

About the author

Editor-in-Chief, CEO, and Fearless Leader of Anime Maru. Expert in Japanese media and pop culture because I run Japanese tabloids blogs through Google Translate. Twitter: @kevo31415