Waifu Divorce Rates on the Rise


Waifu trash


Walla Walla, WA– Recent surveys have noticed an alarming increase in waifu divorce rates among western fans. It seems that even the longest waifu relationships aren’t immune to this trend. Many otaku are finding prettier, better animated waifus in newer shows.

Eric Lanier is one such divorcee, having been in a relationship with Asuka Langley Soryu for over ten years. This relationship came to a halt only recently after the first episode of Houkago no Pleiades.

“I thought Asuka would be my waifu forever, but then I saw Aoi and I just couldn’t help myself.” Lanier explains. “Every night I cry thinking about how I’ve failed my original waifu, then I go look up some Aoi Doujinshi.”

Scientists have compiled a chart to track this disturbing trend. As you can see the results are staggering.

Waifu Divorce Rates

If this trend continues scientist predict that there will be no current waifus from before 2014 in the next five years.

“They just make the girls too attractive.” Lanier says. “How are old waifus like Lum and Minmay suppose to compete with today’s waifus? Each season the girls get more and more moe, it’s not our fault, it’s those damn animators. Curse the man that invented jiggling animated breasts!”

With Otakus moving on to younger targets, many older waifus have been forgotten. If you’d like to help these poor waifus in their time of need please donate to Anime Maru’s Fund for Old and Busted Bitches.


About the author

Talking about himself in the third person has never be Morlock's strengths, however it would seem that duty calls for a change in POV. Hobbies include: self loathing, mindlessly consuming japanese media like the weeaboo that he is, and complaining. Mad Bull 34 is still the greatest anime Morlock has seen. For some reason he has a Twitter: @TheMorlock