Waifu of Seasons Past, Where are They Now?

With every passing anime season the world enjoys a new batch of waifu to fawn over and bring into our basements, but as the years go by the modern waifu connoisseur has more and more to choose from. What happens, then to the waifu of seasons past that have been forgotten by the masses? The Anime Maru research team went into the field to catch up with some of the forgotten waifus of the dark times, long long ago when anime was in its infancy, also known as “before this season”.

Some waifu have managed to find success after their anime careers, turning to music after their season ended. Notably, former K-ON! starlet Tsumugi “DJ Moogz” Kotobuki is enjoying a prosperous rap career after helping revive N.W.A.

gangstas wit waifus

From left to right: Kirino “Q-T-Nuff” Kousaka, Tsumugi “DJ Moogz” Kotobuki, Eru “Curi-Us” Chitanda, and Kud-izzle. (credit to Reddit user princesspochi for the bottom pics)

Unfortunately, a large proportion of waifu have not fared so well. While some have been able to stay clear of hardcore addictions, others have not been so lucky. Anime Maru caught up with Michael McColley, a waifu researcher who is active in keeping tabs on the waifus of days past on the subreddit /r/whereinthewaifu.

“Studies have shown that 68% of waifu are bankrupt within 4 seasons after thier anime appearance,” says McColley. “A disturbing trend are these waifu that people revered and poured their pure love into end up as just another forgotten statistic and turn to drugs, gambling, and alcohol.”

“Remember Kallen from Code Geass? Neither does anybody else, after not getting recast for the Akito series she reportedly spiraled into depression and had to be checked into a rehab facility.”

McColley’s data on the results of waifu’s descents into obscurity is staggering. Soul Eater‘s Tsubaki Nakatsukasa was apparently in critical condition until Soul Eater Halloween rewatches began early last month. Fruits Basket‘s Tooru Honda was been in a vegetative state for years and likely would’ve died had the Studio DEEN veterans’ association not been founded to provide her better care. Escaflowne‘s Hitomi Kanzaki has been comatose for years after she was found by authorities in a hotel room after particularly bad overdose. The titular Toaru Majutsu no Index star Index succumbed to a rare condition known as “seasonthreenever-itis” and died peacefully last year.

“It’s tragic, but unless we learn to take care of our waifu history is bound to repeat itself.”

The results of poor decisions. Don't let your waifus do drugs, kids.

The results of poor decisions. Don’t let your waifu do drugs, kids.

About the author

Having been sentenced on 3 separate occasions to commit honorable sudoku after various incidents involving lava lamps and body pillows, Steve sought sanctum against the legions of radical Haruhiists he'd enraged. He fled to a lesser-known corner of our solar system where he happened to find some free wifi and an artisan bakery that appealed to his hipster tastes.