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Issue of National Best Girl Up Takes Spotlight Weeks After Election

As the lingering recounts for a handful of races scattered around the country wind down, the long and drawn-out election season has finally come to a close. The big questions have been answered — Republicans have maintained majority control over Congress and Donald Trump will be the next President — but one last unanswered question has moved to the forefront of the national debate: who will be our nation’s Best Girl?

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Newly-Formed Senshado League Disbanded after First Match Results in Heavy Casualties

OARAI, Japan – Public outcry and mourning are flood the conscience of this quaint seaside town after what was intended to be a friendly and benign game abruptly erupted into a massacre.

Senshado – literally “the way of the tank” – is a newly developed sport in which female crews engage in tank warfare against other teams of similar fashion. The sport itself is a direct inspiration from the anime series Girls und Panzer, which depicts a group of high-school girls forming a senshado team to prevent their school from closing down.

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Anime News Outlet Runs Out of Ideas

Anime Maru, the world leader in satirical anime news coverage, seems to have shockingly run out of anime and news stories to parody, now reaching out to its readers for more ideas. This came as a disturbing revelation to the world when avid readers realized the recent announcement of the Anime Maru writing contest post was not, in fact, a joke.

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Shinbou Akiyuki Reveals He Has Actually Been Blind All Along

TOKYO, Japan — High profile director Shinbou Akiyuki of Studio Shaft made a shocking announcement last weekend, revealing that he has been blind for the past ten years. The revelation baffled fans but also surprised most of Shinbou’s co-workers. Shinbou has directed many hit series known for their unique visual style, such as Monogatari series, Puella Magi Madoka Magika and Blood Royale, which makes the revelation all the more surprising.

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Xebec Announces ‘Chinpo!o!!!!!!!!’ Anime Adaptation

Anime studio Xebec announced earlier today that it has started production on the anime adaptation of the manga Chinpo!o, created by Daichi Sorayomi. Localized as Dick Whip Guy, the manga tells the story of a man who aspires to be the best in chinpo!o, a gambling sport where male contestants stand on a floating platform and try to push each other off the platform. The twist, however, is that the contestants are only allowed to use their backside and phallic member.

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Former NEET Disappointed by ‘Working!!’ Environment

NORMAN, OK — Local NEET-turned-productive-member of society Chad Wilson, 35, is disappointed by the real world. After watching all three seasons of Working!! and catching up to the currently airing WWW.Working!!, he decided to change his lifestyle by leaving his basement and starting to work at his local Denny’s. While he was initially positive about doing something with his live and making some money for once, his new job has given him a number of problems.

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The Otaku Life Cycle As Told Through Graphs

After conducting a 20-year long research project following several people from their birth to current otaku lifestyle, we here at Anime Maru have acquired insightful data on the lifecycle of otaku,…

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Local Man Still Not Pokemon Master

AUGUSTA, ME — With a sad look on his face, local man David Carvel, 34, set down his Nintendo 3DS and sighed. For the last three days he has been religiously…

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Man Informs Relatives of Key Difference Between Traps and Futa During Thanksgiving Dinner

LEBANON, PA — Thanksgiving dinner at the Miller household was permeated by an air of awkwardness last night when 22-year-old Steven Miller got into a heated discussion with his relatives concerning…

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Anime Maru’s Guide to Explaining Anime to Your Family This Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of the best times of the year for bringing together families over food and festivities, except for when me-maw starts hitting the eggnog a little too hard…