Japan Assures Rest of World They Aren’t Really That Into Anime or Anything

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil — The closing ceremonies for the 2016 Summer Olympics were staged last Sunday evening, and according to Olympic tradition, a segment from the organizers of the…


Genius Psychic Predicts New Shinkai Movie Will be Romance

AUXERRE, France — 34-year-old mystic Lauri Moustain, whom many claim is a genius psychic, has predicted that Makoto Shinkai’s new movie will be a romance. Moustain based her reasoning on the alignment of…


Man Wishes There Was A Convenient Way to Watch Countless Streaming Anime

Anime fan Ethan Adams vented his frustrations this week about being unable to find a convenient way to watch all of his favorite anime and more streaming online “It’s just…


Hibike! Euphonium Season Two Canceled due to Band Breakup

After the success of Hibike! Euphonium in spring of 2015, fans were were ecstatic when Kyoto Ani confirmed they would be continuing the series. However, today at 3 PM JST…

the smile that couldn't be saved

Waifu Smile Protection Insurance Rates Skyrocket

It takes the work of 10 muscles to generate a smile, but some people use every muscle in their body to protect the smile of their waifu. In a recent trend,…

Weebs get banned

Steam to Automatically Ban All Users with Anime Avatars

Valve Corporation, creator of the popular online games platform Steam, revealed its long-awaited program to ban users with anime profile pictures. These users are to receive Valve Anti-Anime bans (VAA…


NIH Approves Funding for Creation of Monster Girls

BETHESDA, MD — The National Institutes of Health today announced that they would be lifting the ban on the creation of human-animal genetic hybrids. This would enable such projects as creating animals…


Subaru Sales Explode After ‘Re:Zero’ Episode

CHERRY HILL, NJ — Earlier this week, car maker Subaru experienced an unexpected uptick in sales following the airing of Re:Zero on TV Tokyo. Avid fans of the series reportedly stormed the…


MyAnimeList Replaces Blocked Banner Ads with Insults, Expletives

Visitors using ad blocking software were hit with a surprise on Monday when accessing popular anime community MyAnimeList. According to multiple reports, the site replaced blocked banner ads with various images…

Suicide Squall

Man Commits Suicide in Desperate Ploy to Achieve Harem

PHOENIX, AZ — 23 year old man David Barbano was found dead in his house in what appeared to be a last effort to achieve his life goal of building a harem….