Anime Maru’s Guide to Making Your Waifu Real

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Here at Anime Maru, we know how it feels to be lonely and wanting nothing more than a cute 2D girl to keep you warm at night and take your virgin penis. That’s why all of us here are pleased to share our personal secrets to making your waifu become real.

A Handle of Tequila!

Sick of your waifu not being real? Are you just sick of the real world in general? If so, then this is right up your alley! We personally recommend you follow this technique by crying hysterically, wallowing in your vomit, and making sure your figures get their daily dose of “protein”.

Science!

Why let the laws of nature and god keep you from your waifu of choice? With the power of science at your side you’re just a few easy steps from your making your perfect 2D girl real.

  • Get a degree in biology and a masters in genetic engineering.
  • Crack the Human Genome
  • Find a method to introduce foreign DNA into that genome.
  • Breed the animal/monster/alien girl of your choice in a glass tube.
  • Raise your monstrous sin against god and nature as your own daughter.
  • Become attached to her,  then imagine her going off to school, graduating college, getting a job and more. Then cry waterfalls knowing that she will never be able leave the lab.
  • See her die in your arms as her life span is shorter then that of a proper human OR see her and her eventual kin overthrow the human race and thus usher in a new epoch in Earth’s history.

Build-a-Waifu!

Building a waifu couldn’t be easier if you follow our recipe. Draw a big circle on your garage floor, get a big pot and fill it with these ingredients:

  • 35L Water
  • 20kg Carbon
  • 4L Ammonia
  • 1.5kg Lime
  • 800g Phosphorous
  • 250g Salt
  • 100g Saltpeter
  • 80g Sulfur
  • 7.5g Fluorine
  • 5g Iron
  • 3g Silicon
  • Trace amounts of 15 other elements

Start murmuring stuff in something that sounds at least vaguely of Japanese and toss in your favorite figurine of your waifu. After giving up a few body parts or so to the Satanic powers that be, poof! Your waifu will have come to life.

Convert a 3D Waifu to 2D Waifu!

Okay, this method’s a little trickier than the others. The first thing you have to do is find a real life girl who looks similar to your 2D waifu. Once you do, do everything you can to try to win her over romantically. Pretend to take an interest in her thoughts and feelings and try to level with them on an “honest” emotional level. At the same time, create an image of yourself as a confident, interesting and sincere person who someone might consider loving.  Once you’ve won the girl over, subtly influence her behavior towards that of your actual waifu, expressing disappointment when she doesn’t act the way you want her to. Buy her clothes that your waifu wears and teach her your waifu’s catchphrases. Just don’t let her know about actual character she’s imitating, it would ruin the image and make it seem like she was simply pretending to be your waifu instead of actually being her. At some point in this process you may come to realize that you’ve been projecting your feelings for a fictional character onto an actual person, but ignore these thoughts. Just keep making sure she knows she’s not good enough for you at all times, really dig into her self esteem. If you’ve found the right girl, she’ll feel compelled to put on a facade that her personality is the way you want it to be, and your waifu will basically be real, on the surface at least! If this doesn’t work, simply murder her and move onto the next girl.

Car Technique!

This one is very easy and one some of us here plan on doing very soon! Here are the steps:

  • Print out picture of your waifu
  • Go to car and stick said picture to the sun visor
  • Drive the car into your garage or any enclosed space
  • Leave it running whilst furiously masturbating to the picture you put up
  • Drift into eternal sleep thinking about your waifu waiting for you on the other side
  • Let your parents find you, yellow-eyed and dead, with your penis out, and your waifu still stuck to the visor

About the author

The pinnacle of collaboration, this account is the Anime Maru staff combining to form a giant super mecha. Endless Union, Go! Anime Maru!