MATSUE, Japan — School administrators at Ryokuzan Senior High School are extremely concerned about the recent rash of collision injuries suffered by female students on and around campus. According to reports, over thirty girls in the last two weeks have collided with male students, resulting in several injuries including a concussion.
Students have been warned to walk at a reasonable pace and to routinely check around corners before continuing. Unfortunately, many believe these precautions will not be enough to stop this concerning trend.
“We don’t want to hurt anyone, we’re just looking for true love,” second-year student Matsuda Itou tells Anime Maru. “It’s really difficult to get into a relationship in high school, and we’re just doing it the way it happens in manga.”
The encounter doesn’t always go smoothly, as Matsuda admits. “Girls don’t always appreciate getting barreled into at high speeds, but if I keep trying I’ll find the right one for me eventually, right?”
At press time, the school has put out a bulletin warning girls to finish their breakfast at home, and to not leave the house with bread suspended from their teeth “at any cost.”