TAMPA, FL — Once a year a strangely greasy wave overcomes the Tampa Convention Center for a weekend as thousands of Florida men and women flock to an event known as Metrocon, one of the largest annual anime conventions in the Southeast United States. Lauded as “Florida’s best anime convention”, we here at Anime Maru decided that we had to enter the realm of the swamp planet to judge this claim for ourselves. Right off the bat-
The Florida Man who organized Metrocon seemed to decide not to feature many anime-related items for purchase, and instead pander to furries, cosplay weapons enthusiasts, and leather bondage sex slaves. The only anime represented by the Florida Man was primarily Pokemon, following the recent Pokemon Go! popularity. Several of the attending Florida men expressed their disappointment in not being able to find many interesting figures of 2D girls to “give the ‘ole glue stick to if ya know what I mean”.
Kpop was also a decidedly large part of “Florida’s Best Anime Convention”, because years of animosity built upon bad-blooded history between Japan and Korea mean nothing to the average Florida Man. After all, Korean boy bands are just better-dressed anime characters.
The Florida men and women putting on panels were generally uninteresting, so we watched anime on our tablets instead during most of them.
The Florida Man who heads security for Metrocon changed the registration system this year so that attending Florida men and women had to pay the registration fee to get into any part of the convention center; this was reportedly so Florida man could keep his ex-wife out of his office where she would likely “rampage on about paying child support on her pet gator”.
Unfortunately for Florida Man this year’s Metrocon seemed to fall short for his attending Florida men and women. Admittedly, most were disappointed that there was none of the promised “drink moonshine until your waifu becomes real” event.