Little Sister and Childhood Friend Join Democratic Presidential Primaries

Both little sister Nanako Kimura and childhood friend Chihiro Matusbara announced their candidacy for president of the United States this week, joining the existing 25 Democratic candidates already running for the position. The entrance of two more individuals came as a surprise to most in the already crowded political race.

Kimura describes herself as “everyone’s little sister” and is well known by supporters for her bubbly cheerful demeanor and doting personality. Despite the claim of a family bond, through several not entirely clear circumstances, she is not related by blood.

Candidate Matsubara is a childhood friend known since primary school. Well regarded as being kind and reliable, she is running on a platform of social improvement and equality. Despite her many years of past experience, political experts have predicted a low chance of success for her campaign.

“I love Onii-chan!” declared Kimura in a recent public speech. “It makes me sad that Onii-chan owes so much in student debt and lacks the healthcare coverage that many other industrialized nations provide. It makes Nanako worried sick thinking about how something bad could happen.”

“I’m not running because I… li… like you or anything,” stated Matsubara in response to a question regarding her reason for running. “I’m just doing this because I think there’s a lot that could be done to improve that state of our country is all.”

The Democratic primaries will be a field of tough competition for the two new candidates. Current Democratic candidates have had a varying range of opinions in regards to main political topics such as rising economic inequality, universal healthcare, global climate change, and foreign policy.

“Onii-chan no baka!!” Kimura stated, when questioned about her opinion on how to tackle rising national deficits in a time of slowing economic growth, before demanding that we leave her bedroom immediately.

In a campaign speech, Matsubara conveyed a detailed plan on how she would address the challenges of stagnant wages and the high cost of education, but our correspondent was unable to recall any of it as he did not see her as anything other than a friend.

Democrats will have a difficult time choosing a nominee in time for the critical 2020 election. In addition to Kimura and Matsubara, four additional potential candidates have expressed interest in running including a girl claiming to be a princess from “another world”, a former housemaid, a foreign exchange student, and Matsubara’s own little sister.

About the author

Sustaining on instant noodles and a wavering DSL connection, it is uncertain how Vestro has continued to survive let alone still form a cognitive thought. Regardless, he still manages to come out of his soba induced coma now and then. He can be found spending his time pretending to understand Japanese media as well as picking up the remaining shards of his broken dreams.