Sources report that area man John Davis had his dream thoroughly crushed this week after being forced to confront reality. Davis, who works full time in a packaging plant, stated that he had come up with an escape plan from his dull career which involved becoming a high school instructor in Japan. When life seemed bleak and had no certain future in sight, Davis always believed he would be saved once he was able to save enough to move overseas and make a living teaching English.
“I gathered from anime that all Japanese people speak horrible English”, Davis explains, “so the naturally I thought that they must really value native English speakers there. I read on the internet you can just walk into a high school and they’ll hire you as an English teacher practically on the spot. It seemed like a surefire gig.”
Davis detailed his escape plan which seemed to involved several elements of a high school romantic comedy. He claimed that Japanese high-schools represent places where dreams are born – dramatic encounters and true friendship await at the end of the long corridors. One element of his plan involved meeting a beautiful female teacher in their early 20’s who, for some unexplained reason, was just waiting for the right man to arrive, a role Davis feels he could neatly fill as the exotic foreigner.
“So today I heard that they actually have staff there who have studied their respective fields as professional teachers. That kind of makes some dude from overseas a bad pick for the job, huh? I don’t even really speak Japanese, so there’s also that.”
This revelation coupled with the observation that outside anime Japanese cities often looked like gray block of flats, with bright neon lights being a tad too Blade Runner for his tastes, Davis decided that it was best to look into other options for resolving his slowly impending existential crisis. Estimates show he’ll probably get into idols at some point.