Sonic the Hedgehog Dies During Risky Life-Extending Surgery

Beloved video game character and pop culture icon, Sonic the Hedgehog, recently passed away this week while undergoing a dangerous medical procedure to extend his lifespan. He was 27 years old.

Due to health complications, Sonic was hospitalized following the release of Sonic Forces in late 2017. Doctors attest that he was suffering from an existential crisis so severe it had begun to affect his vitality. His health continued to worsen to the point where doctors were forced to put Sonic on life support. Despite rigorous medical treatment and Sega’s best efforts, Sonic did not recover.

The news follows several years of shaky health for the blue blur. It was revealed that Sonic had been struggling with health issues since the early 2000’s. Around that time, Sonic had begun to lose stamina and coworkers noted that he began to display depressive symptoms. Despite some successes, Sonic’s professional career began to suffer as well. Sega made several attempts over the years to maintain Sonic’s status as a top icon such as a feature in a medieval title, infusing him with a werewolf, and pitting him in a battle against intergalactic foes, most of which failed to change course for the hedgehog. In 2010, Sonic took up driving a car in order to keep up with his fellow peers in his franchise during a racing event. Despite still claiming to be the fastest thing alive, Sonic lost a race to Danica Patrick only a few short years into his racing career.

A few weeks ago, Sonic’s health crossed a point of no return. His only options were to cut off life support or to undergo a risky procedure that could grant him several more years to live. Despite the stakes, Sonic, now in a vegetative state, was opted into the operation at the behest of Sega.

“I had a dream the same night”, Sega CEO Haruki Satomi gave in a statement shortly after the news broke. “I was playing the Genesis. A winged Sonic appeared, we played some games together before he suddenly vanished. I open my eyes and realize that his spirit had departed.”

The news comes as a tragic shock after the holidays with many gamers, fans, and non-fans alike joined in the mourning of Sonic’s passing.

“It’s sad to see him go, but we all knew he didn’t have much time left”, said Fred Berg, a fan of Sonic since childhood. Others shared similar sentiments, relating to fond memories of Sonic during their youth.

Meanwhile, progress on the anticipated but controversial Sonic the Hedgehog film is expected to continue unabated, with Dominique “SonicFox” McLean assuming the titular character’s role.

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Despite my handle, my favorite anime isn't actually One Punch Man. I also have this unfounded fear that my lolicon fetish will eventually land me in prison. Instagram: _mindan